Ousted Leader Brett Favre Denied Re-entry into Territory of Packers Clan

GREEN BAY, WI - A tense stand-off between the indigenous "Packers" Clan that calls Green Bay home, and the "Vikings," a neighboring clan, broke out Sunday afternoon as the invading clan made numerous attempts to invade the territory of the indigenous clan. Even before Sunday's skirmish broke out, the town of Green Bay had been reeling after former leader Brett Favre (pronounced farv) announced in 2008 that he would be stepping down as chief of the "Packers" tribe, which he had led for over 15 years. Favre cited personal reasons, but later revealed that the "Front Office of Green Bay," a largely oligarchic and hereditary body, had pressured him to step down.

After taking asylum with a small tribe in the State of New Jersey (which goes by the misnomer "New York" Jets), Favre shockingly accepted the role of chieftain with the Packers' rival clan, the Vikings, of neighboring province Minnesota. Political analysts and global security analysts immediately warned of the inevitable clashes the move would cause. UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon warned, "As both factions reside in such close geographic proximity, and compete over the same resources, namely the Victor of the NFC North, conflict and bloodshed seem almost inevitable." [Update: This article mistakenly refers to Green Bay as "Honduras."] American President Barack Obama also refused to align his administration with either faction, but did not help matters by making an appearance dressed in the attire of the neighboring "Bears" clan, which has been engaged in sustained conflict with both the Packers and Vikings clans.

Sunday, in a move that surprised none, each clan brought out its "Starting Lineup," a group consisting of each faction's fastest, biggest, and most overpaid warriors.

Early reports indicate that as many as 12 members of each clan engaged in repeated skirmishes on the battlefield. In the initial campaign, the Vikings militia briefly encroached into the territory of the Packers, but were immediately pushed back. A council of overseers, known as a Referees Conference, was quickly convened. Due to technicalities of an antediluvian rule of warfare known as "The Maxim of Forward Progress," the Vikings clan was entitled to resume the campaign from within "Packers' Territory." In a humiliating turn of events, the Vikings clan executed a number of duplicitous, guerilla tactics, including the dreaded "Play Action Stratagem." The tactics culminated in a member of the Vikings Clan being able to "touch down" on the sacred "End Zone of the Packers," which the Packers' elite guard had been sworn to protect.

When reached for comment, the White House stated that while it was deeply troubled by the regional conflict, it was concentrating its resources on the prolonged war in the east, between the neighboring Phillies Clan and the long-dominant Yankees Clan. Troublingly, the two clans were engaged in their fourth battle in just five days, with each clan proclaiming that the series of battles would have World-wide implications.